Why Being Vulnerable Isn’t Just About Sharing Tough Stuff
True vulnerability means taking the risk to show your sadness, joy, irritation, boredom, and everything in between
As companies have begun to stress mental health and better ways to lead, the word “vulnerability” — which connects to words like “real” and “authentic” — comes up a lot: Admit when you struggle. Share your truth so you can build trust and, subsequently, relationships. Let people see your messy work-from-home space, even if it includes packages of toilet paper and the laundry from last week you swore you were going to put away.
And that — what I’ll call the Show-Me-Your-Lemons Serenade — is pretty much the song.
But what if the song was wrong, or at least, incomplete?
We’re only halfway there
When I hear people talk about vulnerability, what’s often horribly absent from the conversation is good stuff. You know, dreams. Accomplishments. That kind of thing. Part of this ties back to the idea that people want stories of overcoming trials and tribulations so they know they can overcome, too. In seeing the flaws and humanness, we can bond. As Genevieve Georget put it,
“If you talk about an effortless climb to the top, you won’t inspire anyone. But, on the other hand, if you share your vulnerable story — the story of tenacity, reliance, and hard work, you’re more likely to connect with audience and win their loyalty.”
But showing only the lemon stories still has two big issues. It’s problematic first because it means that we don’t get a full 360 perspective of who anybody really is. We can see what they’re like when they need a hug and put in a 100+ hour week, but we miss how genuinely excited they got from finding the perfect fuzzy sweater, the look on their face as they pay off their last debt or the conviction they have when talking about taking a trip to Mars. A lack of full perspective will always mean that we cannot connect as deeply, because we don’t have all the pieces necessary to be properly empathetic and responsive.
A related issue is that, in elevating lemon stories in the context of grit or tenacity, we can miss the fact that sometimes people still need comfort for what they have suffered on the path of overcoming…
