Why ‘Failed’ Habits Are Still Good for You
A Simple Explainer on Why Mistakes Shouldn’t Steal Your Joy
When you’re trying to find more happiness and grow, something has to change. Old habits have to fall into the trash while you pull new ones into your day.
But be honest with me here. When you start thinking about what to do differently, do you mentally jump quickly from where you’re at to where you want to be?
Most of us do. And it’s admittedly important to have a clearly identified target to aim for, so that we have something to look forward to and that motivates us to work.
But as experts remind us over and over again every new year, we don’t hit the bulk of the targets we put in front of ourselves. Some of this can be simple logistical or resource problems. But what if the biggest problem with developing better, good habits is in that initial framing?
When good goals get boxed into a dichotomous mind
When we focus too intently on the end result we want, we end up seeing a new habit in a very black and white way. Our brains, naturally wanting to classify and group and make sense of everything, try to figure out if we are “here” or “there”. We see falling off the wagon as evidence that we haven’t moved at all and are incapable of doing so. And conversely, if we take the right action, then we already have transformed and just need to maintain.
The problem with this dichotomous thinking with a habit is twofold. First, it gives you an excuse to stop trying. If you see a single failure as putting you “here” (back where you were), then you have no perceived reward for your effort. You start to ask, “Why in the world am I even doing this?!” And with no perceived reward, it’s easier to bail.
Secondly, because you don’t perceive that there is a reward for the effort you put in, you can’t celebrate. Celebrating what you’ve accomplished brings more joy into the growth experience and changes how you remember and feel about your work.
Let me offer my experience with one of the most common resolutions as an example. Like so many others during COVID-19, I’d gained a little weight. OK, OK, a lot of weight. So my goal became to shed…
